Learning The Ropes: A Bondage Basic

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If you’re anything like me, you find the beautiful form of a body in rope, artfully twisted, contorted, and suspended, an undeniable delight. Perhaps one you’d even like to learn? However, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and if that step is a fraction of an inch out of place, we may wander off the map. Therefore, it’s always important to begin learning from a good foundation.

First and foremost, there isn’t much I can tell you that somebody else hasn’t already written up, more in-depth, and I’ll happily lead you to those resources when I can. That being said, I’d like to add my own little flair to this offering. The ethics and opinions in this compilation come from my own personal experience of years bottoming for rope, and I invite you to discuss them with me.

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A Brief History Lesson

Before we delve into rope bondage, let’s learn a little about what it really is.

Linguistics | Shibari simply means ‘tie up’ in Japanese and refers to the act, while Kinbaku refers to the art of aesthetic rope bondage. Both are used interchangeably, but their meanings are not entirely the same.

The rope | Standard Kinbaku rope averages 6mm in diameter but can vary wildly depending on styles and preference. It’s usually made of hemp or jute, although some practitioners use synthetic or alternative fibers.

Origin | Kinbaku was developed from a martial style of tying called Hojo-Jutsu, a way of binding prisoners from 17th century Japan during the Edo period. It remained in practice even after the abolishment of samurai in the 1870s and has been used all the way up until WWII by Japanese law enforcement. These days, Hojo-Jutsu is still taught as a supplementary martial art to general forms of budo.

Development | The focus on types of ties relating to class structure and aesthetic carried over into the sexualization of rope in the late 1920s during the Taisho era’s erotic art movement, otherwise known as Ero Guro. Inspired by a theatrical scene depicting sexual bondage used during the Japan-China war of the late 1800s, an artist named Ito Seiu popularized the sexualization of rope torture. His works feature the likeness of his wife and mistress tied and shamefully exposed in various positions, often in pain.

Today’s Kinbaku | These days, Kinbaku is continued on through masters such as Naka Akira and Go Arisue, who’ve developed their own unique styles of tying. A skilled bakushi (rope practitioner) can see the lineage of the school of tying in another’s work.

For an in-depth dive into the history of Kinbaku, check out the wonderful article on Shibari Turk’s website.

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The value of in-person learning

We all know that Tess Suggests Teachers and Tess Likes Workshops are common themes in whatever I write, but I can’t push this enough: If you want to learn something, learn it from a teacher rather than a video on the internet.

There are a few reasons why I suggest this, the most obvious being that you can’t ask questions to a YouTube video, whereas a teacher can respond spontaneously, in real-time.

Besides, you learn a lot of nuance and style through a teacher that is as individual as the person themselves. Kinbaku is much like martial arts in that different schools of training teach different things. Depending on what you enjoy doing with rope, you may want to find an instructor that matches your desired aesthetic.

Often those without instructors wind up developing their own styles, techniques, and habits. While this can create some wildly new influences on the bondage scene in general, it isn’t recommended without fundamental knowledge of anatomy and safety. An entirely self-taught aficionado can appear in the wild, but it’s not common.

For these reasons, I encourage finding a bondage studio near you. There are many springing up in major cities all over the globe, and a quick google search can show you your nearest one.

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Know your body first

The greatest gift you can give to your rope partner is the knowledge of your own body, and your willingness to communicate it.

Our bodies are complex machines, which come without instruction manuals. So, what are some of the things that we can offer to our riggers to ensure a successful scene?

Know your mental state | Tired? Stressed? Needing affection? What you bring mentally will dictate what kind of tying will work best for you. Do you need a soft and sensual session or a difficult round of torture? Do you want to be objectified or seduced? Is rope sexual, meditative, or challenging for you? As a bottom, you can’t receive what your rigger has to offer if it’s not jiving with what you need. And, as a rigger, you can’t tie to the capacity of your bottom unless you know how you’ll tie best that day. Communicate!

Know what your body can and can’t do | I’ve two torn ACs in my shoulders which has led many riggers to scratch their heads to figure out how to start tying me without my arms behind my back. I know several rope bottoms with unconventional limb mobilities that require frequent modifications. For bigger-bodied rope-bottoms or smaller rope tops, a wider set of wraps or alternative ways of hoisting might be the solution. Since every body is different, it’s important that we can adapt. Evie Vane writes a brilliant book about being able to tie for every type of body, which is a resource I wish I had when I started.

Know how you react, both to pain and pleasure | This is incredibly important for safety reasons. The points I encourage focusing on is knowing the difference between good and bad pain, addressed here in wonderful depth by Natasha Nawataneko. Knowing the difference between the two can mean the difference between an orgasm and an injury, depending on the intensity of your scene. As for our responses to pleasure, to know how present we can remain with our bodies otherwise distracted can be useful. If we’re so awash with bliss that we can no longer check-in, communicate, or recognize an issue should it arise, we must know this about ourselves in advance and notify our partners.

Prevention is key: Safety basics

A huge turning point in my bottoming was during a party where I loud-mouthedly whined to my rigger that I wish there were technical safety classes for rope bottoms.

“There are,” he replied, “learn how to rig.”

As a rope bottom, first and foremost, I don’t feel entirely qualified to give all definitive points on rigging and physical safety. As a bottom, on the other hand, I find it incredibly important to learn what is and isn’t safe in rope from a rigger’s perspective as well as a bottom’s.

Why? Bottoming is a somatic and ultimately personal skill that has much to do with your ability to self-assess. Rigging, however, is technical. And, while we are physically at the mercy of our riggers, we should be able to trust entirely that they are doing everything correctly.

This makes bottoming an incredible amount of responsibility. Suddenly, we must know our own bodies as well as the technical skills of our riggers?

YES!

It mustn’t be all at once, but, if you want to pursue rope with any depth as a bottom, I implore you to learn the craft from both sides—even if it means you’re tying yourself (and yes, self-tying and suspension are things!).

The technical stuff we can find in many guides, such as this informative step-by-step by Crash Restraint (LOVE this site, and it’s free) or these handy books by Douglas Kent (FINALLY back in print). If you’re learning to rig, there are some things you should always start with (which these guides cover in great depth) that I can outline here.

Go over your scene basics | Scene negotiation and scene safety are musts for any play, including rope. There are helpful resources all over the web, but if delving into the darker side of Google isn’t for you, I’ve condensed what I can into the two articles linked above.

Learn your nerve injury basics | These aren’t specific to rope, but since rope has such high malleability and freedom of expression, it gives riggers a lot of room for error. Make sure you know where the danger spots are to tie (all joints, upper arms/thighs, and neck) and learn if and how one should tie them.

Walk before you fly | I get it; suspension is pretty, dynamic, and intense. It contains all those feelings of flying and surrender while manipulating the bottom into the gorgeous shapes you’ve been dreaming of. Why not learn suspension now? Because it’s dangerous, that’s why.

Leaping into suspension, as a bottom or top, straight out the gate can have disastrous consequences and should never be attempted without proper knowledge and mileage under the belt. Learn your floorwork. Then learn it more. Then freaking master it. THEN you can move into suspension, beginning with partials.

Protect your bottom from injury at all times | Crash Restraint has a pretty great mentality about safety in tying: “When you’re tying, assume your bottom is trying to do everything in their power to smash their face into the floor. Now do whatever it takes to keep that from happening.” Falls, whether from suspension or simply falling whilst bound, are huge safety risks. Bottoms can mitigate this risk by communicating when they feel unsteady or can’t keep stable.

When you’re ready for suspension, know your rigging and hardpoints |Bamboo, ring, or some guerilla hardpoint on a trestle somewhere? How stable are your anchors? How well wrapped is your bamboo? Do you know if your equipment is weight rated? There are so many considerations for safety before you even get to the rope that it behooves practitioners to know their hardpoints. They not only affect if you should tie but how.

Always keep safety shears and a way to get your bottom down | Mistakes happen; bottoms can pass out, nerve injuries can occur, uplines can get jammed. Have a quick safe method of getting your bottom down and tie with their safety in mind. Don’t overlap rope on critical lines that you may need to access. Keep a pair of EMT shears on hand. Very rarely will an emergency dictate cutting a rope, but, if it does, the difference between having one or not can mean life or death.

Natasha Nawataneko also brings up the point of learning to maintain proper rope tension as injury prevention. When rope creates uneven pressure, it can develop hot spots against nerves that would have otherwise been safe. Wider bands of even pressure are kinder for holding weight. Think of trying to sit on a hammock versus a garrote wire — which one would hurt more?

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Sometimes, things go wrong

The bottom is out of rope, and they can’t lift their hand. Or, somewhere else on their body is tingling and slightly numb. What now?

This is one of the most common mishaps in rope and a large point of discussion for kinbaku enthusiasts. What do we do when we get a nerve injury?

I can’t recommend reading Shay Tiziano’s article on nerve injuries enough. As a medical professional and physiology junkie, Shay has done her homework with the help of kink-friendly doctors to create a fantastic what-now guide to post-injury care.

Sometimes things can happen that will shake our trust in our partner, and the follow-up in these situations is important. What went wrong? What can be done to prevent it from happening again? Do you feel safe tying with this individual in the future? If you can discuss all three points after an incident, then moving forward can go from accident to learning experience.

As always, in an urgent medical emergency, remove the ropes, and always call emergency services.

Ihope this creates a little fire in you to learn what I find to be one of the most beautiful and expressive forms of kinky pleasure. Rope has slowly risen from a fun pastime to a steady passion for me, and I hope you find some of that feeling when you feel the jute between your fingers.

What about rope elicits these feelings? Ena Dahla sked a few rope practitioners to describe what they love about rope, as well as challenging herself to do the same. The piece is a wonderful collection of intimate insights into the mindset of rope bondage.

As always, be safe, sane, and consensual, but most importantly, be yourself.

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Sincerely,

Tess Dagger | Writer for SPNKD

BDSM enthusiast and former sex worker
@tessdagger