Finding My Way Through Dominance: A Journey of Trial and Error
Different types of Masculine Dominance
By Paul Meyers• 5 min read • ENGLISH
Not too long ago, I embarked on a mission to create a D/s relationship based on strict rules and protocols. I mean, why not? Isn’t that what a Dominant is supposed to do? Well, if you’re picturing me as some sort of BDSM version of King Leonidas from 300, barking orders with a firm hand and a perfect posture, let me stop you right there. I tried, and I failed. Miserably. Turns out, I’m not really the “list of rules” kind of guy. Who knew?
See, I’ve always hated authority based on arbitrary rules. Even as a kid, I needed a “why” before even considering following a rule. Naturally, I had to ask myself: Why the hell was I trying to impose these rules on someone else? You’d think I would have known better, right?
Stereotypes, Reflections, and Self-Discovery
It dawned on me that I was clinging to some stereotype of what a Dominant should be—strict, authoritative, and all about control. It’s easy to see why. We often imagine Dominants as people who fit neatly into boxes, especially when it comes to power and control. But BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. Dominance has layers, and, as I would soon realize, different flavors.
Now, I’ve had the privilege of talking to a lot of folks in the BDSM scene—Doms, subs, masochists, and more. I’ve organized parties, explored, and learned from some amazing partners. But amidst all these rich experiences, I never really landed on a solid definition of my own dominance style.
That was until I stumbled upon Carl Jung and his archetypes. Yes, I was studying Jungian archetypes to improve my hypnosis skills (because, of course, that’s what everyone does on a Friday night). But while exploring metaphors and symbols, a lightbulb flickered on—what if these archetypes could map perfectly onto dominance styles?
“BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. Dominance has layers, and different flavors.”
Archetypes and the Many Flavors of Dominance
Jung described archetypes as universal patterns of behavior, and they exist in myths, art, and storytelling across cultures. It’s as if we instinctively know these characters. So, naturally, I started thinking: What are the different archetypes of Dominance? What emerged was a list of 12 styles of masculine dominance, each with its own flavor, drives, and fears.
Let me introduce you to some of them:
The Architect: Crafting unique, creative experiences for their submissive, the Architect is a master at designing complex, boundary-pushing scenes. Think of them as the Dominants who storyboard your fantasies before making them a reality. (Honestly, if you’re the type of person who reorganizes your sock drawer, you might be onto something here.)
The Master: The Master thrives on structure, control, and order. They create clear rules, boundaries, and protocols. Put simply, it’s like having a personal GPS for your relationship: “At the next scene, turn left toward obedience, then continue straight to your safe word.” But obviously there is much more to this.
The Daddy Dom: Sweet and protective, the Daddy Dom focuses on emotional and physical care. They’re the ones reading you bedtime stories, making sure you’re tucked in, and always asking, “Did you have enough water today?”
The Sensualist: This type of Dominant is all about engaging the senses. Sound, smell, touch—it’s an immersive experience, and everything revolves around creating a safe and nurturing space. If you’re the type of person who gets weak-kneed at a candle-lit bath or a silky blindfold, this might resonate with you.
The Expert Dom: The Expert Dom sees each BDSM challenge as a test of skill and mastery. Courage and determination drive them to perfect their craft, pushing both themselves and their submissive to new heights. There are probably a few Riggers out there who will recognise themselves.
The Sadist: The Sadist finds connection through intensity, using pain (or other forms of suffering) to push boundaries and foster a raw, primal connection. For them, BDSM is a game of limits, sensation, and trust.
Am I a Mash-Up of Archetypes? Absolutely.
After exploring these archetypes, I realized something. We don’t have to fit into just one box, and frankly, thank goodness for that. I resonate with aspects of different roles. On any given day, I’m a combination of a Sadist, a Sensualist, and a God Dominant. Some days, I revel in being admired for my sadistic edge; other times, I’m all about rewarding my sub with soft, sensual touches. And there are moments—powerful ones—where I embrace the God Dominant in me, guiding my submissive through transformative, emotional experiences.
Do I bounce between roles? Absolutely. BDSM isn’t static, and neither am I. Different dynamics with different people awaken different parts of me. Sometimes I lean into the loving, nurturing side of dominance. Other times, I let my Anarchist out to play. And that’s okay. It’s this fluidity that makes BDSM so fulfilling for me. It keeps me evolving, expanding into new domains.
“BDSM isn’t static, and neither are we. Like I said, nobody likes to be put in a box—unless that’s your kink, of course.”
What About You?
As you reflect on your own dominance style, do any of these archetypes resonate with you? Maybe you’re a combination, or maybe you’re still exploring. Are there roles I haven’t touched on that speak to you?
If this exploration has sparked anything, it’s that there’s no “right” way to be a Dominant. Like I said, nobody likes to be put in a box—unless that’s your kink, of course. 😉
So, which archetypes speak to you? Let’s share our experiences and keep the conversation going. After all, part of this journey is about learning from each other, evolving, and, most importantly, having some damn fun along the way.
