{"id":4041,"date":"2022-03-08T14:21:55","date_gmt":"2022-03-08T14:21:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/spnkd.com\/?p=4041"},"modified":"2022-03-10T11:58:01","modified_gmt":"2022-03-10T11:58:01","slug":"tie-me-up-to-set-me-free-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/spnkd.com\/nl\/tie-me-up-to-set-me-free-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Tie Me Up to Set Me Free"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\n\n\n\n

The paradox of feeling free while bound<\/em> has been repeated to the point of banality from rope bottoms and shibari enthusiasts all over. But, as is the case for most clich\u00e9s, they\u2019ve earned their status for a reason\u2014namely that there tends to be some truth to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For those who haven\u2019t experienced it, the contradiction is apparent while looking at a body all bundled up constricted; in which way could that feel liberating?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Contemplating the apparent fallacy, I realised that this is only one of many found in the realms of shibari and bondage. In this mundus inversus, <\/em>discomfort can turn to ecstasy, physical compression to mental expansion, and surrender to transcendence. Let me try to explain\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty\u2026<\/p>

<\/p>Theodore Roosevelt<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When I recently showed pictures of myself in suspension to my dear friend Yael<\/a>, she also asked; but, what does it feel like?<\/em> Looking at my facial expressions, she wasn\u2019t sure what to make of them: You\u2019re laughing in some, but in others, I can\u2019t tell if it hurts or feels good.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The short answer to that is, both: <\/em>It feels good and<\/em> it hurts (sometimes), and a part of the reason why<\/em> it feels good is precisely because<\/em> it hurts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before ever being suspended, I\u2019d look at pictures and imagine it fairly easy to just hang around<\/em> like that. My first time proved me otherwise. While the difficulty differs depending on many factors \u2014 from the locations and amounts of suspension points to the type of knots and rope used, to name a few \u2014 it can be incredibly challenging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I were to explain the way it feels in a deadpan way, I could use words like compressing, restricting, and tugging, all of which are sensations not typically viewed as pleasant.<\/em> Yet, in a more poetic manner, I\u2019d describe the same experience as a firm, comforting, and warm hug.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The keyword here is transmutation<\/em>. Rope presents, in so many ways, opportunities to alchemize harmony from discord.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"bondage<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The secret of joy is the mastery of pain<\/p>

<\/p>Ana\u00efs Nin<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve sung the praises of pleasurable pain<\/a> a number of times here on SPNKD, so I\u2019ll be brief: But, as discussed in the article, Your Pain, My Pleasure<\/a>; pain causes the secretion of endorphins, which apart from blocking it, stimulates the same exact areas of the brain as those activated when we experience pleasure, producing a rush similar to an opiate trip. Further, a warm, fuzzy sensation, akin to a marijuana high, can emerge from a spike in the bliss chemical, anandamide, another natural painkiller that binds to the cannabinoid receptors in the brain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are merely the physical and neurological reasons why certain types of pain can feel good, and why, especially the sensation of being brought down and released from a rope suspension, tends to send me off on a second flight\u2014yet, this time, a figurative one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beyond the physical, what\u2019s even more intriguing to me about rope are all the things that take place on the mental and spiritual planes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The mind and spirit transcend the body<\/p>

<\/p>Christopher Reeve<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Restricted and unable to move, freely or at all, I\u2019m made to confront my body and the sensations it produces in a peculiar way. Pulled in, anchored in my physical self, I\u2019m given little choice but to be fully present. This intense mindfulness\u2014which in this case is better described as bodifullness\u2014<\/em>allows me to escape the mind; to turn it off. This is where the feeling of freedom<\/em> comes from: For the amount of time in which I\u2019m held by the rope, I get to be free from thought, worry, mental stress, and whatever else is buzzing around in my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, when discomfort or pain is added\u2014to my body in which I\u2019m entirely present\u2014I experience the full spectrum of each sensation. In order to cope with the intensity of them, instead of retreating back into the mind, I often slip off somewhere else: To the mythical spheres of rope-space<\/em>, which, like subspace<\/em> in BDSM lingo, is an altered psychological state of blissful euphoria.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I often experience hanging in ropes similar to meditation. But, just like how there\u2019s active<\/em> and passive<\/em> stretching, a seated, silent meditation would be passive<\/em>, while suspension would be an active<\/em> meditation in which you\u2019re pulled and bent into both mental and physical shapes by your rigger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"blond<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Our liberty is bound together<\/p>

<\/p>Lilla Watson<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Speaking of; let\u2019s not forget that there\u2019s someone else with us in this altered state. It\u2019s the two together, the model and the rigger who co-create the experience after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for any intimate experience with another person, be it sex, a deep conversation, or something else entirely, your mutual chemistry determines the outcome and how enjoyable you both find it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To me, bondage happens to land somewhere in between the two; it\u2019s a deep, sensual, nonverbal conversation that can be incredibly sexy\u2014even if and when no actual sex<\/em> is involved. And, while the experience, skill level, and confidence of the one tying absolutely make a difference, your connection is paramount. And just because someone is good at what they do, doesn\u2019t guarantee that they will be the right rope partner for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re lucky to tie with someone you truly click with; who allows you to go to a place of utter trust and surrender, currents of energy may transmit to form bonds far stronger than the rope connecting you. It can be that you experience a closeness, unlike much you\u2019ve felt before. This makes it possible for catharsis to take place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The day you stop listening to your chaos, it will start transforming into catharsis<\/p>

<\/p>Chandrama Deshmukh<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n
\n
\"shibari<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n

I didn\u2019t <\/strong>realise it at the time, but when I ventured into the world of BDSM some years ago, it was partially with the longing to be able to let go; not only of control and to escape my slight obsession with being in charge \u2014 especially of the way I let people see me \u2014 but also to quiet the ever buzzing monkey-mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I won\u2019t deny that I also came into all of it with my share of wounds in need of mending and in search of the antidote to the pain of having been let down; dropped to the ground by some of those (I thought) I could trust the most\u2014especially in the cases of the masculine figures in my life. Between an absent-minded, unempathetic father and a long term partner who was an abusive narcissist, I\u2019d been tiptoeing eggshells on thin ice for so long I\u2019d forgotten what it was to feel truly<\/em> safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I yearned to trust someone so thoroughly that I\u2019d dare to put my life in their hands, in the knowing that they\u2019d never drop me. I ached to be seen, beyond skin-deep; to be stripped bare, exposed, and, subsequently accepted\u2014perhaps even loved\u2014for what was found once the layers had been peeled back. I craved to be confronted with my own self; to be placed in front of a mirror and forced to face my daemons; all of the rawness and darkness, and perhaps even learn to embrace those parts too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Through my journey, I\u2019ve come to understand that it was the desire for release and not specific acts, toys, or tools that drew me there. Facing my fears and daring to trust are my biggest kinks; <\/em>being shown that I\u2019m strong, even when I let myself surrender and be soft. So far, whips and chains (and every other gadget in the bag) have taken me far, but, recently, ropes are proving to pull me the extra mile down the path of transmutation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"shibari<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

We are at our most powerful the moment we no longer need to be powerful<\/p>

<\/p>Eric Micha\u2019el Leventhal<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

So, while from an outside look, you may see me going into ropes as an act of submission\u2014of giving up my apparent freedom and allowing another to restrict, compact, and stretch me according to their will. This is true as well. Yet, each time I let their mighty arms wrap around me, I continue to grow far beyond the ropes; to cultivate trust, connection, and intimacy, and deepen my understanding of empathy and nonverbal communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I surrender, it\u2019s not as much to the person tying me, but to myself; I relinquish my ego and transcend beyond it. And, while physically constricted, my consciousness expands, and through letting myself to be soft and malleable, I find strength. After each time I\u2019m released I become increasingly resilient, more confident, and self-aware.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I suppose, with this, I join the choir of rope fans singing in favor of the bound\/free fallacy,<\/em> but please, let me stay captive for many years to come. There\u2019s still so much to discover and I\u2019m tempted to ask, where to next? <\/em>Instead, I\u2019m closing my eyes and jumping, in the utmost trust that the net will catch me and show the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"blonde<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Sincerely,<\/p>

Ena Dahl | Writer for SPNKD<\/p>Multidimensional creatrix & muse
seeking to unite sexuality & spirituality,
instigate alchemical healing & ignite the wild (wo)man <\/strong>
enadahl.com<\/a><\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The paradox of feeling free while bound has been repeated to the point of banality from rope bottoms and shibari enthusiasts all over. But, as is the case for most clich\u00e9s, they\u2019ve earned their status for a reason\u2014namely that there tends to be some truth to them. For those who haven\u2019t experienced it, the contradiction is apparent […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4043,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4041","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog-nl"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nTie Me Up to Set Me Free - SPNKD<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/spnkd.com\/nl\/tie-me-up-to-set-me-free-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nl_NL\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tie Me Up to Set Me Free - SPNKD\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The paradox of feeling free while bound has been repeated to the point of banality from rope bottoms and shibari enthusiasts all over. 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