{"id":4052,"date":"2022-03-03T15:25:28","date_gmt":"2022-03-03T15:25:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/spnkd.com\/?p=4052"},"modified":"2022-03-03T15:25:30","modified_gmt":"2022-03-03T15:25:30","slug":"exploring-bdsm-with-your-vanilla-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/spnkd.com\/fr\/exploring-bdsm-with-your-vanilla-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"Exploring BDSM With Your Vanilla Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n
et\u2019s dive right into it: As self-defined kinksters,<\/em> we\u2019ve all had our vanilla exchanges, and a fair few of us have probably lamented; \u201cDamn, I wish this person were kinky.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They very well could be, except neither of you knows it yet\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How do we successfully guide the uninitiated through the crazy world of BDSM? How do we know if they\u2019ll enjoy it?\u00a0And most importantly, how do we do so safely, ethically, and without putting our wants first? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s take a look at some ways we can introduce our sweet and innocent significant others into our fun and dirty world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have an honest discussion first<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s be real. If we want our partners to get down and dirty with us in the ways we like, the first thing we should do is talk about it with each other. Why? Because we need our partner\u2019s consent!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
There have been countless portrayals in films and comics where one-half of a couple decides they want to spice things up with their partner and surprise them in the bedroom with a pair of handcuffs and a blindfold. Sure, spontaneous consent is possible, but is it as successful? Not likely. Contrary to what we might hope, a lot of people don\u2019t like surprises. Having something sprung on us takes us out of our comfort zone, and we are inherently creatures of comfort. BDSM can challenge these boundaries, and kinksters are often much more willing to push the envelope than the average Joe Vanilla.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The benefits of a pre-kink discussion can be many, but the most important part is that you\u2019re having a discussion to begin with. It prepares us in a few ways for our hopefully future activities:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It shows our partner just how much it would mean to us for them to be open to our kinks. It also lets them know that we\u2019re excited about approaching them with our desires and trust them to explore with us.<\/li>
It allows them to ask questions and delve into your personal tastes\u2014and to verbally explore some of their own while they\u2019re at it.<\/li>
It creates an opportunity for our partners to take everything that\u2019s been discussed and digest it for a while until they feel they are ready.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Start at their pace<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Few things will terrify a budding kinkster more than taking them to a crowded dungeon and having them see the edge-players go at their hardest and weirdest. New environments and new sensations can be overwhelming, and if that\u2019s the first mental image of kink they receive, they may not be as willing to go back for a second try.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\u00a9 SPNKD<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
If your partner has already consented to try out something new, take them kinky window shopping<\/em>. This can be as easy as browsing some light porn together or looking up specific things you find exciting. Then, if they\u2019re open to the idea, start at the bare-bones basic version<\/em> of said kink. This makes it approachable and easy to process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me? I like needles. No, I lied, I love<\/em> needles. But I would never ask a partner who\u2019s new to needles to try out a hook suspension while having their genitals stapled shut around a vibrator and their lips sewn together to keep them from screaming. My Saturdays are very likely not similar-looking to theirs, nor should they be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What would we start with? A simple endorphin button, or, if even that\u2019s too much then a single, small-gauge needle. Your level of exhilaration might be their level of NOPE<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Normal is an illusion. What is normal to the spider is chaos for the fly.<\/p>
\u2014Morticia Addams<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t force them into your kinks \u2014 find your mutual likes<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
A fast way to have a person lose interest in BDSM altogether is by trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Ask a person to repeatedly attempt a kink they\u2019re not into, and they\u2019ll never see why people like BDSM so much in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The window shopping we mentioned before serves to mitigate this. You\u2019re browsing options that you would both enjoy together<\/em>. Do you want to tie them up and spank them, but they don\u2019t want to be spanked? Settle for the rope, and you\u2019ll have a better time. Spanking them while they\u2019re tied up could very well ruin both spanking and<\/em> rope for them. Now they\u2019ve lost interest in something they could\u2019ve potentially loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What if there\u2019s no intersection between your kinks? If it\u2019s something that you\u2019re open to, this may be your<\/em> turn to try something new. Wax-play may never have interested me much, but learning about it with my partner could up its sexiness to a point where I may find myself genuinely enjoying it. If they\u2019re willing to step into my crazy world with me, I\u2019m willing to try something new with them within it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the event that even that fails it’s ok to enjoy your separate sins without indulging in each others’.\u00a0They\u2019ll be on a journey that will help them understand your passions and desires by discovering their own. Even if it\u2019s not exactly in the way you had hoped, that can only be a boon to your connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\u00a9 SPNKD<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Be gentle as they find their role. It\u2019ll take time<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
It doesn\u2019t pay to be pushy with our loved ones when we\u2019re trying to encourage them to try new things. Newness can be scary and uncomfortable. They\u2019re dipping their toes into the icy water of dark desires, and they likely won\u2019t thank you if you shove them in. Cold is one thing, but mental and emotional processing is another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes your partner won\u2019t know which role they fit best in the grand table of kinky titles. Are they dominant or submissive? Do they top or bottom? Are they a little or a Big? Pup, pony, or handler? There are so many things to explore that even knowing what they like is no guarantee that they\u2019ll know in what capacity they want to explore it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Classes are a huge benefit to newcomers of all types, and if your sweetie is still searching for ways to delve into their newfound perversions, a class with an experienced instructor or a workshop may be a wonderful way to help them learn without feeling overwhelmed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Patience for them will only ever show them that although it means a great deal for you that they\u2019re down to get dirty, you\u2019re not going to push them into something they don\u2019t want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Accept that they may not be kinky at all<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
So you\u2019ve tried all this and nothing has clicked. Then what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Measure internally how important a kinky partner is to you. Is it a deal-breaker that they don\u2019t want to get weird with you? Are you at your core a submissive who needs a master, or a sadist who needs a painslut to share your journey with?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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